The Breakout

Up Until Three Years ago, I was a voluntary prisoner here in LoOpy Land.

The breakout…The breakout changed everything. It’s so hard to explain. It’s like sleep walking, like existing without living. Like you’ve imprisoned yourself inside your own mind. Isolated from everyone. Ignorant and oblivious to the world outside of you.

Imagine going years living through books or, stories that you create inside of your mind. A sort of self induced coma. Then one day you decide that you’d like to wake up. You decide that you want to build real connections outside of the fantasy world that you’ve constructed. It’s like turning on the radio with the volume already on high. I had been living in my own mind for so long, that I didn’t even really feel anything outside LoOpy Land.

As I took myself out of my comfort zone, I became more aware of the world around me. I witnessed something special that everyone else had. It was like they were possessed with fire and passion. I wanted that fire, I wanted that passion. I wanted to feel something real. So… I went out and got me some real feels🙈. When I got my first dose of real feelings, all I wanted to do was not feel, but still feel at the same time. I know, I know, it makes no sense. But I finally felt something REAL! It was just… so overwhelming!

It’s like a straight punch to the head, chest, and pride.

It hits you 10x harder than the fictional feelings that you’re used to! How do you adapt to that ?!?

How do you not crawl back into your shell? When you put yourself out there. When you try to connect with others. Only to be dismissed, scrutinized, or used. How do you keep putting yourself out there for others to try to fuck over?

Well…it’s surprisingly very easy. Just as it hurts 10x more than you’re used to, you also feel 10x more in general. Excitement,happiness, sadness, and anger. It doesn’t really matter what you feel as long as you’re feeling it. It’s like a drug that you can’t get enough of.

It would feel so much safer to go back to isolation, but I can’t. I can’t go back to dull and fake feelings. Compared to the real thing it’s like being numb. I’m still me. LoOpy with my crazy, but I won’t go back to quiet, dull, and numb.

I’d take the overwhelming reality that is the world around me before I imprison myself again.

~ Gov-Na LoOpy🍸🔮🍸

PS. Big thx to BITMOJI for helping me express my awesome.

Published by

That LoOpy Chick

I’m a 27 yr old woman from the Midwest. This site is a documentation of my crazy and all that it entails. Whether it’s me fighting myself, thinking out loud, or the “Grand Epiphanies” that I have every other week, it will probably be posted here. Why would I post all of it? Because it’s fun and I like it!

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