The Chamber Of Torment

Incase no one has caught on, I never fully left LoOpy Land. In fact I think I’m trapped here.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way… On to my dark place. 

LoOpy Land is kind of like a dream state. I become so wrapped up in my own mind that I become umm?…Unaware! Yes that’s the word I was looking for. I become unaware of my surroundings. My body switches to auto pilot. I speak, walk, and even work on autopilot. Especially when I fall into “The Chamber Of Torment”. Most people drink, eat, and drown themselves in other drugs. I myself…I withdraw into LoOpy Land.  I don’t desire to reach a high, or do something that makes me feel good to escape. It’s really weird. I just torture myself 

There are many parts to LoOpy Land, and chamber of torment is definitely the worst. All the things I want to change. All of the mistakes I’ve made. All of the embarrassing moments I’ve experienced. Everything I want, but can’t have. They all come together in one movie that my brain sets on replay.  I allow myself to become a victim of my own mind. It feels as if there is no escape. Not even drugs can act as an escape from any part of LoOpy Land. At Least none that I’d actually try. In fact alcohol, and weed have been known to make it worse. 

So what can I do? How do I escape “The Chamber Of Torment” ? It sounds easy, but it’s unbelievably hard. I have to pull myself out of this state. I do this by reminding myself that I control my mind. I control my actions. I have the power to change things about myself that I don’t like. I remind myself that the darkness is nothing but a place of torment. I push myself to walk towards the light. Most importantly I tell myself to BUCK THE FUCK UP!!

I give myself a deadline. Currently I’ve been in “The Chamber Of Torment” for 4 days. I told myself this morning That I have until 9PM tonight to push myself out of the darkness. 

I control LoOpy Land… and I miss the happy, happy fun parts.

– LoOpy –

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