Shout out to all of the black women out there. Stay Beautiful.
*Disclaimer*… I do not support black men that use, and/or abuse black women. I do recognize that they exist, and we have to protect ourselves.
Now that, that’s out of the way. Let’s talk about black love. In particular let’s talk about uplifting our black men. I decided to take the plunge and watch “Sistas”. I honestly didn’t think it would be good due to Tyler Perry’s current track record. Most of his series/movies haven’t really been good since “Diary Of A Mad Black Woman”. That’s just my honest opinion. Anywaysss…moving on. The first episode introduced Karen. Karen was going through a breakup with a man named Zac. Zac cheated on her. Karen told him to Leave multiple times. So Zac left. Which is really funny when you find out she wanted him to “put up a fight.”
Where did things go wrong with Zac & Karen?
Zac had a bad record. Zac was working the best he could at one of the few places that would give him a second chance. He wasn’t bringing in the most money, and Karen made sure he knew how small his contributions were… constantly. Very similar to Angela from “Why Did I Get Married”. Was it their fault that their partners cheated on them? No. Hell No! These are grown men that made a bad decision to cheat. Could they have prevented their men from cheating? …possibly. These are damaged men that love them enough (in their own damaged way) to put up with their constant disrespect, and verbal abuse. My mom taught me that women especially have to be careful with their words “Our words can be like knives, and we can cut a man to pieces.” If you’re constantly talking down to your man. If you’re constantly throwing all of his failures in his face, he’s not the only damaged one. As a grown woman If you feel the need to constantly belittle someone, there is something wrong with you. Get counseling. You make it that much easier for a man to fall into the hands of another woman. One who actually speaks life into them. Even if it’s only for 5 mins. His pride will do a dance, and that little man in his pants will do a jig. What really gets me is how shocked some women are. How are you surprised that a man you dog out constantly has decided to get caught up in someone that showed him love?
“You stand by his side as he builds, then he leaves you for a white woman when he becomes successful”
I completely understand the point that the modified quote above is stating. However, I feel it does nothing but add fuel to the fire that is Black Love. If you’re dating a man that you feel doesn’t currently measure up to your “standards”, you have to make the decision to accept him where he is, or move on to the next candidate. If you decide to accept him where he is, he’s the quarterback of his own life, and you are his #1 fan. The head cheerleader. You’re the one who should be cheering the loudest for him to win. When he wins, you cheer. When he loses, you cheer. This isn’t a position for fairweather fans. You’re with him, or against him. There is no in between. There is no kicking him when he’s already down. There is positivity, LOVE, and solutions.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be the human you are. I’m not saying that you have to be perfect, bubbly, and warm 24/7. We as women have our own troubles as well. If he’s any kind of man he’ll cheer for you just as loud as you cheer for him. What I’m saying is when we commit to someone, we take on the role of their partner. The one person he should be able to count on to have his back.
I didn’t write this for black women to think, “oh I should just take all bull crap from men and cheer ?”
No. Hell no! What I’m saying is if you have a decent man putting in work, try cheering for him even when he’s losing. Honestly if you have a black man giving it his best, cheer for him even when he’s on the bench. Support, and love on him. If you can’t do that, if you can only do the opposite, please don’t even sign up to be on his team. You’ll just become another obstacle he has to overcome.
So to answer the question that I see so often. Hell Yea! A black woman can be a black man’s cheerleader. We are more capable than anyone knows. A decent amount of black women have just stopped due to a fear of being played. We can’t be too scared to love our men the right way. We have to heal, and move forward. We have to be alone, and learn to love ourselves. We have to take our time, really get to know men before we become intimate. If you take your time, and get to know someone, chances are you’ll see the red flags. If you take your time, you’ll find a man worthy of all the love, and support you have to give.